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American-ActorNovember 4, 1879-August 15, 1935

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

Prayer I Can About Say

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

You Government Being Trick

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

You Way Parrot Live

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

People Laugh Never Cry

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Education Only Ignorant Different

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Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.

Go Like Things Said

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Politics Government Facts Just

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Art You Rock Diplomacy Nice

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.

Good Business Guess Economist

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

Man Business You He

Top 10
Will Rogers
Quotes

If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.

Business You Enough Big

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

Never Used Schools

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

Man You Stupid Nothing

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

Education Ignorance America Will

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Ignorance Know Just Read

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Life Good You Here

I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.

Day Newspaper Only About

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.

You Than Other Mass

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

You Time Day Night

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.

Turn College He Until

One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.

More Worth Paper Than

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

People Other United States United

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

Money Product Advertising Same

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

Country Needs Cleaner Minds

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

Father Us Seeing Calling

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

Work Education You Think

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